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It All Started with a Cupcake....

Okay, so let me start by saying that it has been a long week.  My family traveled down to Salt Lake City this last weekend to be with my family as we held the funeral for my wonderful Aunt Judy.  I spoke with two of my Aunt's siblings, then we all traveled down to Manti, Utah, where she was buried next to her daughter, who died shortly after being born. 

This last week is the two month mark of being sugar-free, but as you probably deduced from the title of this post, things went terribly wrong.  Literally on the eve of the two month mark, my wife presented me with a challenge I simply could not resist:  chocolate cupcakes with a chocolate mousse "frosting."  I suppose Melanie is in part to blame as well, because I think she gave my wife the recipe for this terrible creation.  Anyway, my wife made these cupcakes, and after literally about four hours of resistance, I just could not do it any longer.  I gave in. 

Yes, I am a weakling.  I have no strength.  I am a failure.  The thing is, like any addict, if you truly want to get over your addiction, you have to get away from that which you are addicted to.  If you are addicted to alcohol, you just can't go hang out with your friends and watch them drink beer all day.  My wife, who I would call a "casual sugar consumer," is not by any means addicted to sugar.  However, I have discovered that she regularly makes sugary things--whether I like it or not.  So, I have had to make a choice:  leave her or try to muscle my way through life without sugar while she plops all sorts of amazing treats before my eyes.  Since I really don't want to leave her (yes, I do love my wife despite all of the sugary temptations she throws my way), I have had to live in an environment where I am trying to not eat any sugar while sugar continues to be paraded around my house. 

Anyway, I can blame Emily or Melanie or society generally all I want, but in the end, I ate a cupcake.  The cupcake led to some little licorice candies, and that lead to other things, and the next thing you know, I am completely off the wagon.  That cupcake was what I call a "gateway treat."  You try it, and it leads you to more sugary things.  Today, in a sugar-induced stupor, I am slowly trying to climb back on that wagon.  It has been a sad week, but I am realizing that I still have choices.  I made a mistake yesterday, but that doesn't mean I have to do the same today.  The worst thing, though, is I have realized that I am back to living day-to-day--trying with every bit of effort to just make it one more day without a mistake.

Finally! Groupon Sends Me Something I Can Use!

So, about a year ago, my wife told me I should sign up for Groupon because it had lots of good deals.  I am into good deals, so I did.  Let me say, as someone who has been getting daily (sometimes two or three times a day) emails from Groupon, I am not impressed.  Until, that is, today.  I have never purchased anything from Groupon that I have been able to use.  For example, I purchased a coupon to park at the airport once, but when I got there, the parking place refused to accept the coupon because it had apparently had too many Groupon customers that day.  Another time, I paid $45 dollars for a $90 gift card to a nursery to buy plants, but when I went there, there were literally no plants available (I mean literally, they had zero inventory). 

After that last experience, I vowed never to use Groupon again, but for some reason never bothered to put the emails in my "junk" folder.  (Incidentally, I am a plaintiff in a large class-action lawsuit with Groupon right now.  Before you begin thinking that means I am someone important, I am not.  I am just one of millions fed up with Groupon's dirty tactics.  For a really short article on the lawsuit, In re Groupon Inc. Marketing and Sales Practices Litigation, click here.)  Then today, it happened.  They brought out the big guns and introduced the Slendertone Abdominal Toner.  Here is what Groupon has to say about it:

With seven ab-firming programs and 99 intensity levels, the Slendertone abdominal toner fosters firmer cores over the course of 30-minute sessions. The belt’s medical-grade gel pads wrap around waists, gently encouraging muscles to contract and perform their best stone-wall impressions. Designed for discreet use, the slim belt hides under shirts, bathrobes, or champion prizefighting belts, allowing users to achieve discernible results in as little as 6–8 weeks.

This thing is the answer to all of us non-six packers out there.  All you have to do is strap this belt to your belly, and you will "achieve discernible results in as little as 6–8 weeks."  The thing only costs $120 and runs on three AAA batteries.  Awesome!  Just look at how these people look who use the Sledertone. 

No, you can't see their faces, but we both know they are smiling!  You better hurry though, there are only two days to order this amazing product.  If you aren't a Grouponer, give me a call or shoot me an email and I will forward the link.  Then, only six weeks to a six pack.