Day 47: Legal Requirements

First, let me say that I am sorry that it had to come to this.  A few weeks ago, my sister Jessica came home from Pakistan.  Prior to her arrival, as you may know, a post was made on my blog, entitled "Letter to the Editor," in which I explained that my sister had been asked to be a "guest writer" for my blog (see Day 32).  Immediately upon her arrival in the United States (seriously, it was within about 15 minutes), I received a letter from her attorney informing me that I had used her name without her consent, that she had not written the blog entry, and "asking" me to "cease and desist," blah, blah, blah.  Anyway, she literally tried to shut Weighty Matters down, my friends.

Over the last two weeks, I have been in high-pressure negotiations to keep my blog running, and today I am pround to say that Weighty Matters will continue, albeit with me far more humble.  As a result of the settlement agreement reached with my sister's attorney, I may keep the blog going so long as I state the following:

(1)  I apologize to my sister and those that read my blog.  I admit that Jessica did not write the blog entry entitled "Letter to the Editor," but that I wrote it.  I did not tell the truth, which was wrong of me and although I am ashamed of myself, I know that my sister and you are all more disappointed in me than I could ever be.

(2)  Nothing in the letter represents actions actually taken by my sister, including the fact that she did not teach English correctly to one student or that students in Pakistan like Canada more than the United States.  It is true, however, that I would be the "fittest" man in the Hunza Valley, based on the Pakistani definition of "fit."

(3)  I admit that though the pictures representing the area where my sister lived were awesome, they do not represent the view that  she had out the front and back doors, or to the left and right of her home while living in Pakistan.

(4)  I will never again post a blog entry, comment, or any other statement pertaining to my sister without prior written consent.  In addition, any profit or benefit that has been derived from my post on Day 32 will be transfered, upon receipt, to my sister.

(5)  Finally, I have agreed to allow her the advertising space below to explain a new diet she has created, called the "Pakistani Diet."  Please be aware that the following statements or commentary are not those of Weighty Matters or its owners, operators, or writers.  The content below is strictly that of individual who has written it.  Weighty Matters, its owners, operators, and writers, in no way warrant the statements below.  Results may vary.

The Pakistani Diet (copyright, all rights reserved)

Fast weight loss – Yummy food – Easy to follow

Hi, my name is Jessie Merchant and I developed the Pakistani Diet based on the nutrition of Northern Pakistan. I saw huge results during my three-month stay and am happy to say that I am now four pounds lighter than when I left.  The diet consists of five easy to follow phases. Trust me, this is a diet you don’t want to miss out on.

Phase One: Location, Location, Location

Travel to Northern Pakistan. I attribute a large part of my success to actually being in Pakistan. Living in a small village with two stores that sell unsweetened baked goods, tea, and unrefrigerated milk in a box takes away many temptations. You don’t need to worry about the typical food items that normal diets ban, because they just aren’t available in this region. If you do find chocolate, you lose your sweet tooth when you open the package and see that the milk chocolate candy bar is white due to oxidation, and not looking very fresh.

Phase Two: Tea and Dal

Cooking on this diet is very easy. Don’t worry about constantly having to go to the grocery store to stock up on items. For breakfast drink a cup of tea. Dal (a soup, thick or thin, made of lentils) for lunch and dinner. Boil and serve--it’s as easy as ABC. Despite what you may think, dal is actually quite yummy, especially after 90 days of having it for almost every meal. After a few weeks of dal you’ll find that you hardly have any appetite for it. Calorie intake goes down severely. If you find yourself needing a snack you can always have a cup of tea.

Phase Three: Water

Like all diets, the Pakistani Diet believes that water intake it very important. Eight glasses a day are recommended. You might notice that the water has a slight yellow tint to it. That’s okay. It just picks up a few things on it’s way to your glass. I encourage drinking water from the canal or tap (when there’s water running) because there is a high chance of catching a parasite. Parasites can cause both nausea and diarrhea, so the weight just drops off.

Phase Four: Be Observant

Pay close attention to the preparation of food, the washing of dishes, and the cleanliness of the kitchen. 

One of the things that really helped me was looking at the food before it was cooked. On the rare occasion that I ate meat (lamb or chicken), I was always reminded of the flies and other bugs that had previously lived on the meat. This really helps with over eating. In fact, it makes it so you have to force the food down. 

When the food is prepared by someone that you see come out of the bathroom without washing her hands, it also makes you think twice before putting food in your mouth. Consider over eating a thing of the past.

Phase Five: Free Day

Once a month let yourself indulge in a little treat. Help yourself to some fried lamb’s head. It might look cute and furry, but it tastes delicious, especially after sitting out for four days. I would suggest eating the brain, it’s a delicacy.