Watch the Nipples

Alright, let me start by saying that I am not above catchy blog entry titles to entice you to read a post.  I know, you think this is going to be an awesome post.  Well, it probably will be, but just don't be disappointed when you read it thinking something sordid or crazy is going to be written, because you will likely be disappointed. 

Let me start by saying that I have decided to train for a half-marathon, which I have found both exciting and a little exasperating.  Exciting because I used to do a good bit of running, but haven't for the last five or so years (hence the way I look!).  Exasperating because, in the long-distance running world, there are many things that can go wrong with the human body.  Plantar fascitis, patella femorla compression syndrom, illiotibial band sydrom, Achilles tendonitis, shin spints . . . seriously, the list goes on and on. 

If you have ever seen The Office, there is an episode where Michael organizes the "Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial Celebrity Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race for the Cure."  In this episode, Andy, one of the office workers, raises perhaps the most serious of the injuries that can occur while engaging in long distance running:  nipple chaffing.  Nipple chaffing occurs when you are stupid and wear the wrong kind of shirt while running and then fail to place some kind of protective membrane, say a Bandaid, over the nipples.  As time goes by, the shirt works much like Chinese water torture, slowly wearing the skin off of your nipple and causing them to bleed. 

Well, I won't go into to much detail, but I realized after my first 5 mile run in a long time, that I was stupid.  At this point, even wearing a shirt is painful.  Of course, people never understand when your nipples hurt, and so when my children ran up to me yesterday to give me a Father's Day hug (it was a wonderful Father's Day, by the way), they were quite surprised to hear me exclaim, "Watch the nipples!" as they did so.