Day 80: Tipping the Scales Idea Two: Go to the Bathroom

WARNING:  THIS ENTRY IS NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN

Okay, that isn't exactly true.  It is only true if your child is stuck in that phase of life where anything that has to do with the bathroom is really funny.  Then, you probably don't want them to know that you are reading this, because for the next few minutes I will be engaging in "potty talk."  Yes, my friends, in my quest to find ways to drop every single ounce I can for the big weigh-in on Monday, I am including going to the bathroom. 

Look, I know that many of you are thinking, "Going to the bathroom?  That is less original than taking your clothes off."  And if that is what you are thinking, you would be right.  Don't worry, more original things will come later, but for now, we have to focus on the basics.  What a lot of people don't realize is that all of that excess liquid in your body can weigh quite a lot.  The average adult bladder can hold up to three cups of water.  Remember, liquid ounces are different than the type of ounces we weigh our bodies for, the conversion for a cup is 8.3454.  That means that if you don't empty your bladder, you could be retaining 25 ounces of weight, or almost 1.6 pounds.  I don't know about you, but on a final weigh-in, 1.6 pounds is a lot of weight.

I think a lot of people already know this secret (as I alluded to above).  I first learned this rule when I went to Weight Watchers.  The first time I showed up for a meeting, there was this line of about thirty women waiting to use the facilities.  Since I was the only man at the meeting, there was no line for the Men's Room.  I just figured that all of these women had overactive bladders, until I overheard two women talking about how they just knew they had dropped a few extra ounces by going to the bathroom.  Then the light bulb clicked on.

Liquid, of course, is not the only thing in one's body.  Going "Number 2" is also an important step.  In fact, this reminds me of a fascinating infomercial I saw once for Dual Action Cleanse, which claims to be "the ultimate colon cleanse formula available on the market today."  I have included the link, which you should check out.  Personally, I would not recommend the product, but you have to see how happy the lady on the website looks.  She looks like her colon has been well cleansed. 

Anyway, the infomercial was great, and I would recommend it for some late-night television watching if you are ever bored, or go through a seven-week period of insomnia where you can't fall asleep until about 4:00 in the morning.  Actually, the first time I heard the infomercial was on the radio, which I think is a weird place to do an infomercial.  I knew it was the same one when I saw it on TV because the guy talked about the same things.  Did you know that John Wayne had over 40 pounds of waste stuck to his colon when he died?  Now THAT is a way to lose a little weight.  Apparently, he did not follow his mother's advice about eating his vegetables.  I knew I had hit the jackpot when I saw the infomercial guy for the first time.  Finally, an infomercial man with a face you can trust!


Klee Irwin, inventor and purveyor of Dual Action Cleanse.

Anyway, the infomerical provides tons of useful information about going to the bathroom, including the proper shape, color, and length of your "excess toxins."  This is a highly recommended infomercial, even if the product is not recommended in any way by any health care professional with a state-issued license.
Finally, I must mention one other form of bodily waste that can help you on the final weigh-in:  gas.  That is right, as any physicist will tell you, all gasses have weight.  In our society, it is impolite to "pass gas," but I tell you now, during the last week of the diet, flatulence should be the least of your worries.  You should ban products like Bean-O, Gasex, etc. within one week of a final weigh-in.  It may be trivial, but do you want that weight to count for you or against you?  I know the answer in my case.

One final word about this entry.  I know it hasn't been pretty, but it is necessary to talk about these things before a big weigh-in.  I should warn you though that the effect is mainly psychological.  Unless you weigh yourself before going to the bathroom and then again after, you really won't know how much extra you will have lost.  If you have a great scale though, I can guarantee the loss.  The physics do not lie.  If it is in your body, it will weigh you down.  If you don't have a great scale though, it probably won't make a difference.  I have weighed myself before exercising, then lost about 12 pounds of water (I am pretty certain about the accuracy of this estimate!) through sweat and then more by going to the bathroom, and the scale registers no change whatsoever.  This is not only disappointing, but aggravating.  I have to be honest with you; I hate my scale.

Anyway, more great ideas tomorrow, so stay tuned!