Making Fresh Breath? Fuggedaboutit!

So, I have been thinking about fresh breath some more.  I have been wondering if this is a cop-out because I have not made an effort to make my own breath freshener.  I mean, I have been unable to get some good bread without added, processed sugar, so we make our own now.  We can't get any good granola without added, processed sugar, so we make our own.  After I wrote about fresh breath yesterday, I thought, maybe I shouldn't give up so easily.  So, I looked into making my own gum. 

It took about two minutes to decide (1) that I would never try this at home and (2) even if I wanted to try this at home, my wife would never let me.  Finding a "How to Make Gum" tutorial online, I found that to make gum, you need "chicle base," rice syrup, powdered sugar, and "a container you don't care about" and "utensils you don't care about."  You need some other things too, including your flavorings.  Chicle comes from a plant called sapodilla.


Sapodilla plant, apparently, it tastes like a mix of brown sugar and root beer.

Chicle itself is essentially latex, so if you have a latex allergy, eating this gum will probably kill you.  To be honest, this is as far as I needed to go before realizing I wouldn't be trying this gum out.  Once I discovered that chicle is latex, I couldn't help but think that all I would be chewing on is one of those gloves that doctors wear all the time.  This, of course, makes me sick to think about.



Here is a guy with a lot of melted chicle.  Maybe he is making pink bubblegum.



Anyway, the instructions basically say that you will make a massive mess and that you will get sticky gum all over everything.  Essentially, it would be like your kid chewing up about eight pounds of gum, and then thinly spreading it all over the kitchen counter in a way that you would be forced to replace the entire counter in order to get the stickiness off.  Maybe that is why the guy in the picture above is being forced by his wife to make his bubblegum outside in the forest.  I wonder how much dirt is getting in his gum?  If you look at the left side of his little pot, you can see a big stick that seems to have fallen in.  Maybe that adds some protein to the gum.  Anyway, people who know me know that I do not like getting dirty, and getting sticky is kind of like getting dirty, squared.  Hence, the second reason why I will not be making my own gum. 

Lastly, all of the online tutorials I viewed show the homemade gum all brown and nasty colored.  I just can't chew gum that is brown.  I never really like Juicy Fruit for this very reason:  its grey "I-am-not-very-appetizing" color just turned me off.  I need that nice blue or green color that comes from massive amounts of Blue #5 or whatever artificial carcinogen those gum makers use. 

So, after some research, I conclude that I am correct in not attempting to make my own gum.  There truly are some things that should be left to the experts.  Gum making is one of them. 

Random picture of an Aztec eating chicle gum.  Notice the sour look on the person's face.